Instrumentalization of Children's Activity in the Post-Soviet School as a Factor of Family Conflicts

Introduction: School as a Arena of Mediated Parental Conflict

In the post-Soviet socio-cultural space, general education school often performs functions that go far beyond academic learning. In situations of family breakdown and subsequent judicial disputes over the child's (often daughter's) place of residence and the order of communication, the school may inadvertently or deliberately become an instrument in the hands of one of the parents, usually the mother living with the child. The process of building a "loyalty file" through letters, concerts, and other extracurricular activities of the child represents a complex socio-pedagogical phenomenon based on the specificity of institutional relationships, gender stereotypes, and legal illiteracy.

1. Institutional Preconditions: Why Does the School Become an "Ally" of the Mother?

Administrative and communicative access. The parent with whom the child resides (in 85-90% of cases, the mother) has daily physical and communicative contact with the class teacher, administration. They bring and pick up the child, attend meetings, and promptly resolve current issues. This creates a natural coalition of "mother-teacher" based on logistics and regular interaction. The father, living separately, often has access only to a formal channel of communication, which marginalizes his position in the school ecosystem.

Unspoken gender agenda. In the post-Soviet pedagogical culture, inherited from the Soviet era, the stereotype of the mother as the "natural" and main agent of upbringing persists, while the father is often perceived as a supplementary, disciplinary, or financial figure. School staff, mostly women, often project this model onto their relationships with the family, unconsciously taking the side of the mother in the conflict.

Practice of "single contact person". In order to achieve administrative convenience, the school often recognizes only one "official" representative — the one who is first listed in the documents, who regularly attends. This simplifies the work but automatically excludes the second parent from the information field and decision-making processes related to the child's extracurricular activities.

2. Mechanisms of Forming a "File": Letters, Concerts, Activity as Capital

In itself, the successful extracurricular activity of a child is a positive phenomenon. However, in the context of a conflict, it can be instrumentalized to create a certain narrative in court or child protection agencies.

Creating the appearance of "full-fledged" development. Active participation in olympiads, competitions, concerts, performances, organized and supervised by the living parent, is intended to demonstrate to the court and child protection agencies that the child is "harmoniously developing" in this environment, socially adapted, and emotionally well-adjusted. Letters and diplomas become tangible evidence of this well-being. At the same time, the contribution of the second parent (financial, organizational, moral) to these achievements may be ignored or downplayed.

Control over the schedule and creating a "time deficit". A dense, minute-by-minute extracurricular schedule (rehearsals, additional lessons, clubs) serves as an objective (on paper) basis for limiting time with the father. The classic formulation: "He (the father) wants to pick her up on weekends, but we have a rehearsal on Saturday and a competition on Sunday. Can't we deprive the child of development for the sake of meetings?" In this way, the right of the child to development (which is provided by the mother) is opposed to the right to communicate with the father.

Forming the "correct" social environment and opinion. Teachers and educators, regularly seeing an involved mother and a successful child, naturally form a positive opinion about them. When requesting character references from the court or child protection agencies, these opinions are formalized in official documents, emphasizing the exceptional role of the mother in the child's achievements. A teacher who does not see the father and does not delve into the details of the family conflict becomes an involuntary witness "on the side" of the mother.

Emotional bonding of the child to the environment. Through immersion in school and extracurricular activities, where the central figure of support is the mother, the child forms a stable emotional connection with this environment as a source of success, recognition, and positive emotions. The thought of changing this environment (for example, in the event of a possible move to the father) may cause the child (and importantly, the court) to fear "losing what has been achieved".

3. Legal and Psychological Consequences

Courts and child protection agencies: The presented letters, character references about the "deep involvement of the mother in school life," and the child's busy schedule indeed influence decisions. Judges, overwhelmed with cases and often sharing the same social stereotypes, tend to view this "package of achievements" as evidence of the quality of the mother's performance of parental duties. The alternative view of the father may be presented weaker, as his connection with school life is mediated.

Psychological pressure on the child: The child finds himself in a situation of internal conflict of loyalties. On one side — love for the father, on the other — fear of disappointing the mother, not attending an important rehearsal, or not performing at a concert she has prepared so carefully. This pressure, even if not verbalized, forms a sense of guilt in the child and may force him to voluntarily refuse to meet with the father, which is then used by the mother in court as "the child's own opinion".

Marginalization of the father's role: The process leads to further exclusion of the father from the child's life, reducing his role to a "Sunday entertainment" devoid of meaningful content, joint effort, overcoming difficulties (preparation for a competition), and sharing responsibility.

Important fact: Studies (such as the works of sociologist I.S. Kondratiev) show that in the post-Soviet practice, courts, when determining the child's place of residence after a divorce, in the overwhelming majority of cases leave the child with the mother, even if the father objectively has comparable resources for upbringing. The instrumentalization of the child's school success becomes an additional, almost irrefutable argument in this established practice.

4. Paths to School Neutrality and the Protection of the Child's Rights

The problem is systemic, and its solution lies in several aspects:

Legal education of schools: Administration and teachers must clearly realize their neutral, official role. The issuance of character references should be strictly objective, describing the interaction with both legal representatives if they show initiative.

Formal establishment of equal access: It is necessary to legally or through internal regulations (school charters) establish the right and obligation of the school to inform both parents about the child's achievements, problems, and events, unless otherwise established by the court (revocation of parental rights, restriction of rights).

Judicial practice: Judges should require not just a "list of letters," but to analyze the real contribution of each parent to these achievements, as well as to consider whether the activity is used to artificially limit communication with the second parent. Appointing a comprehensive psychological-pedagogical expertise may help distinguish the true interests of the child from manipulative strategies.

Position of the father: The father needs to demonstrate persistent but correct activity in school life to counteract this strategy: attend meetings (possibly together with the mother), interact directly with teachers, offer his help, record his participation. Passivity plays into the hands of the opposite side.

Conclusion: Between Development and Manipulation

Thus, the post-Soviet school, due to its institutional culture and practices, can indeed become a platform for indirect, and sometimes direct, influence by one parent (usually the mother) on the outcome of judicial disputes. Children's activity, being a unconditional good in itself, can be turned into symbolic capital in the struggle for the child.

The key problem lies not in the presence of letters and concerts, but in the monopolization of control over the narrative of the child's success and the use of this control to exclude the second parent. Resolving this situation requires the school to consciously move towards greater professional reflection and neutrality, and the legal system to more subtle tools for analyzing the real quality of parental participation, going beyond formal lists of achievements. The true interest of the child must always remain at the center, which includes not only the development of talents but also the right to love and upbringing from both parents.

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